Igrew up in Detroit, MI and my parents and grandparents were Italian. My first five years were spent living with grandparents, my aunt and uncle and my parents, so my first language was Italian. Our large extended family visited every Sunday, so that was party time. It was a loud social gathering of very opinionated individuals with a lot of drama. Holidays were filled with laughter, food, fun, music, dancing, and games. Life was fun, loud, and passionate.
We visited my dad’s family in Italy every 5-7 years and spent the entire summer there. When I returned, I spoke, dreamt and thought in Italian. I was even regarded as a slow learner in my younger grades. I think I was a bit confused and disoriented much of the time.
As I bonded with my parents and relatives, I was passionate about being close to them and developed an intuitive nature. When I was in the U.S., I could transport myself (in my mind) to Italy and be with my grandmother, who I treasured. I had cousins, aunts, uncles and friends in Italy, along with a totally different cultural experience. Here, I was an only child with a loving extended family.
As a young child, I can remember being able to move my body through space without walking. To this day, I still believe it is possible that I did that. I even remember the method that I used. It’s kind of like swimming through air. Perhaps, I had a near drowning experience and my ability to survive it became a neurological pathway for survival, in my brain. Not sure, and I’ve never spoken to anyone else who has had that experience.
My parents were super strong individuals, creative and super loving. They had a strong work ethic, and they were dedicated to our family. My mother raised me as a Catholic and my father, who was Catholic, pointed out the hypocrisy in religion. There was usually a pull/push between the two of them as they sorted out their relationship and how they felt about things. As an only child, I found this both stimulating and frustrating. My father was passionate about his beliefs, while my mother simply smiled, knew where she stood and let dad talk.
College became a goal of mine and I wanted to go away and live on campus. That was impossible with protective parents like mine. Even though, I filled out applications for far off schools, I knew that I would never be able to attend them. So, I went through undergraduate school while living at home. Somehow, I finagled graduate school away from home, with a lot of protest and crying, from both parents. It was like I was cutting the umbilical cord at the age of 23.
Wild and carefree was an understatement of who I was at that time. I traveled the U.S. in a tent and did many of the things that I imagined would be fun. And they were fun! I also learned a tremendous amount about myself and others and the world around me. I also learned quite a bit about God and His seed in my life started to flourish.
Marriage brought me to my knees as I became connected and in love with a loving friend. I was addicted to love and the bond that it held. This relationship had satisfied the need in me to be controlled, and a need to break free. As always, relationships are complicated. We both felt a need to give to children and took in foster children for the first 6 years of our marriage. To say that this was a challenge is an understatement. I have no regrets and I know that this is what those children needed at the time. I’m happy that we were able to provide safety, security, discipline, fun and genuine caring for some children who had been through extreme trauma at an early age.
My marriage shifted at some point after 21 years, and my heart was broken. I have no regrets, about the sadness or the struggle to keep the marriage together. Life is a journey and we passed through this tunnel of darkness to find some light at the end. I think anyone going through a divorce knows what I’m talking about. Although I do not believe in divorce, it was something, I needed to do to survive and to give an example of light and love to my sons. Life is God’s gift, and it is meant to be enjoyed and shared with an open heart.
Single momhood is always interesting and took strength beyond what I thought I had. We survived! We flourished. We became who we are today and I’m so proud of my sons! Congratulations to all of us!
My career carried me through all this living, both financially and emotionally. Teaching Special Education children is something I always enjoyed during those 30 years. I still look back and want to write a book about the many incidents that transpired during those fun times. My specialty is Emotional Impairment and so I had quite a few children who had experienced trauma, had physiological impairments, were adopted from disadvantaged countries, or had homes which were less than ideal.
You may have experienced trauma, or simply looking to make the most of this life. I am here to help families step into the light of what can be. Email me at coach@mariedemres.com for more information.